Relationships
Sexual assault most often occurs within a relationship. In 8 out of 10 rape cases, the victim knows the perpetrator. (Tjaden & Thoennes 2000) The relationship could be with a friend, acquaintance, dating partner, spouse, family member, co-worker, or an authority figure. It’s important to learn about healthy relationships and how to identify abusive behaviors.
Page Contents:
Healthy Relationships | Unhealthy Relationships
Healthy Relationships
Healthy relationships are built on equality and respect. Think about how you treat others and how you want to be treated by someone you care about. In all relationships you have the right to set limits, feel safe and get support.
Examples of an equality-based relationship from Reaching and Teaching Teens Equality Wheel for Teens and Domestic Abuse Intervention Project Equality Wheel:
Respect
- paying attention to your partner, even when your friends are around
- valuing your partner’s opinion even if it differs from yours
- listening to what your partner has to say, nonjudgmentally
Trust & Support
- wanting the best for your partner
- being supportive and offering encouragement
- respecting your partner’s feelings, friends, activities and opinions
Honesty and Accountability
- accepting responsibility for self and not making excuses
- admitting when you are wrong
- communicating openly and truthfully
Open Communication
- being able to express your feelings and opinions
- knowing it’s okay to disagree
- saying what you mean and meaning what you say
Intimacy
- respecting your partner’s boundaries
- respecting each other’s privacy
- not pressuring your partner
- asking before acting
Shared Responsibility
- making decisions together
- mutually agreeing on a fair distribution of work
- giving as much as you receive
- sharing parental responsibilities
Fairness and Negotiation
- seeking mutually satisfying resolutions to conflict
- working to find solutions that are agreeable to both people
- agreeing to disagree sometimes
Unhealthy Relationships
If the person you’re with acts controlling, aggressive, coercive, or violent, that’s abuse. Relationships can be abusive even if there is no hitting. Abuse can be verbal, emotional, physical, sexual, or a combination of these.
If you are in an abusive relationship, seek help. Anyone can be involved with an abuser. It can happen in straight or gay relationships. In some relationships the abuse happens once in a while; in others it’s every day. Girls and women ages 16 to 24 are most likely to be abused in a relationship.
Warning Signs of an Abusive Person
(Source: Dating Violence: An Anti-Victimization Program, Texas Council on Family Violence and The Bridge Over Trouble Waters, Inc.)
- jealousy
- controlling behavior
- quick involvement
- unrealistic expectations
- isolation
- blames others for problems
- blames others for feelings
- hypersensitivity
- cruelty to animals or children
- use of force during sex
- verbal abuse
- rigid sex roles
- sudden changes in mood
- past battering
- threats of violence
- breaking or striking objects
- any force during an argument
