Myths & Facts
Myths about sexual assault survive in our culture because they serve a number of social functions. Rape myths allow people to feel safe by letting them believe that rape rarely happens. They allow us to believe we can prevent future rapes. They place blame on the victim and take the focus off the offender’s behavior.
Page Contents
Crime of Passion | Stranger in the Bushes | Victim Blaming | Consent | Legal Process | Male Victims
Defense attorneys, the media, and society in general often promote these myths as truths. In order to best support a victim of sexual assault and to hold the offender accountable, we need to know the facts. The following are some of the most common and pervasive myths about sexual assault.
Crime of Passion
Myth: Rape is an expression of passion and lust.
Reality: Rape is not a crime of passion – it’s a crime of power and control. It is sexualized violence, not violent sex. The major motive for sexual assault is power – to overpower and control another person, using sex as the weapon.
Myth: Rape is an impulsive, uncontrollable act of sexual gratification.
Reality: Most rapes are planned and motivated by aggression, dominance and hatred, not sex. In fact, most offenders have access to consensual sex, and many report being sexually dysfunctional during the assault. Rapists look for availability, vulnerability and accessibility in a potential victim. There is some planning that precedes each assault in which the offender makes choices.
Function:
To minimize the violent and criminal nature of rape
To imply the victim was in some way to blame
To minimize rape by connecting it with sexual fantasy, and try to twist it into something desirable, romantic and passionate
Stranger in the Bushes
Myth: Rapists are crazed strangers, hiding in dark alleys and bushes waiting to attack late at night.
Reality: Most (about 85%) sexual assaults are committed by someone known to the victim/survivor – a friend, acquaintance or family member. Rape can occur at any hour of the day, and half of all rapes occur in the victim’s/survivor's home. In addition to the trauma experienced by victims/survivors of a stranger rape, victims/survivors of acquaintance or date rape must deal with betrayal by someone they know and often trust.
Myth: It’s not rape if the people involved know each other.
Reality: Sexual assault can be committed within any type of relationship, including marriage, dating relationships, or by friends, acquaintances or co-workers. Sexual assault can occur in heterosexual or same-gender relationships. It does not matter if there is a current or past relationship; unwanted sexual activity is sexual assault.
Myth: There is no such thing as rape between married couples.
Reality: One out of seven married women is forced to have sex with their partner. Marital rape is often a final violent act following a battering incident.
Myth: African-American men are more likely to rape than Caucasian men and generally seek out white women as their targets.
Reality: African-American men and men of color are no more likely to rape than Caucasian men. The vast majority of violent crimes, including sexual assaults and rapes, are intra-racial, meaning the victim and offender are of the same race. There is racism in how the legal system treats rapists of different races. Of rape cases that go to court in which the accused is an African-American man, the case is more likely to end in conviction and the sentence is usually more severe.
Function:
To deny that rape really happens – to people we know, by people we know
To make ourselves feel safer – if we know what a rapist looks like, we can stay away
To feel “immune” or safe from rape
Victim Blaming
Myth: Sexual assault is provoked by the victim/survivor if they dress provocatively or flirt.
Reality: Neither provocative dress nor behavior is an invitation for unwanted sexual activity. We learn to dress fashionably to gain approval from our peers and/or to attract a mate. There is no action or dress that gives one person the right to violate another person. No one ever “asks” to be raped. Forcing someone to engage in non-consensual sexual activity is sexual assault, regardless of the way that person dresses or acts.
Myth: A woman who is raped deserves it, especially if she agreed to go into a bedroom, house or car with a man. If something happens, she assumes the risk for the sexual assault because she should have known not to go to those places.
Reality: No one – woman, man, boy, or girl – deserves to be raped. Going voluntarily to someone’s residence, room or car does not mean they have agreed to have sex. This “assumption of risk” wrongfully places the responsibility of the offender’s actions with the victim/survivor.
Myth: It's not rape if they don't fight back.
Reality: Lack of resistance is not uncommon, and is sometimes the way to avoid further injury or death. Not fighting or acting “passive” does not equal consent. There are many reasons why victims/survivors of sexual assault would not fight or resist an attacker. Victims/survivors may feel that fighting or resisting will make the attacker angry, resulting in more severe injury. Many are too scared, intimidated or shocked to use any physical means to resist. With women, most are brought up to not be physically aggressive, especially toward someone they know. Victims/survivors should trust their instincts and intuition and do what they thinks is most likely to keep them alive.
Myth: Anyone can prevent a sexual assault if they want to.
Reality: This myth asserts that no one can be forced to have sex. Offenders often use physical strength, physical violence or coercion – intimidation and verbal threats – to overpower the victim. And, as most sexual assaults are perpetrated by someone known to the victim/survivor, the offender often uses the victim’s/survivor's trust to create an opportunity to commit the sexual assault. The offender may have intimate knowledge about the victim’s/survivor's life: where he or she lives, works or goes to school; familiarity with family and friends; or personal information that could be used as blackmail. This enhances the credibility of the threats.
Function:
To point to something the victim/survivor did wrong, so we can feel safer by avoiding “risky” behaviors
To sustain our belief that if you’re good, bad things won’t happen to you
To find a reason for why it happened – it’s easier to put the focus on the victim/survivor and his or her behavior than to understand why the offender committed the sexual assault
To take the blame off of the offender if we don’t want to hold him or her accountable
Back to Top
Consent
Myth: When a person says “No” to sex they really mean “Yes.”
Reality: “No” always means “No”, and pushing a little harder isn’t sexy and won’t change her mind. No one likes or wants to be raped. The decision to be physical or sexual in a relationship is a personal choice. These decisions need to be respected by one’s partner. When someone else makes that choice, they are taking control over the relationship and abusing their partner.
Myth: If one person pays for dinner or a date, the other person owes him/her sexually.
Reality: No one “owes” sex as a payment to anyone else, no matter how expensive the date.
Myth: Kissing or making out means agreeing to have sex.
Reality: Everyone has the right to say “No” to sexual activity at any point, regardless of what has preceded it, and to have that decision respected. If a person is unsure whether the other person is comfortable with an elevated level of sexual activity, the person should stop and ask. If your partner is tentative, ask more questions.
Myth: Once sexual contact has started, men cannot control themselves, and the woman is obligated to finish it.
Reality: Men don’t physically need to have sex after becoming aroused any more than women do. Men are still able to control themselves even after becoming sexually excited. Stopping will not give them “blue balls” or injure them. A woman is not required to “finish it," and does not owe the man sex if he is aroused.
Myth: You can’t be raped by someone you’ve had sex with before.
Reality: Having sex one, two, or 100 times is not an open invitation to have sex. Consent is necessary every time.
Myth: It’s not sexual assault if it happens after drinking or taking drugs.
Reality: Being under the influence of alcohol or drugs is not an invitation for non-consensual sexual activity. A person under the influence does not cause others to assault him or her; the perpetrator chooses to take advantage of the situation and committ sexual assault because the victim/survivor is in a vulnerable position. About 75% of male perpetrators and at least 55% of victims had been drinking or taking drugs before the sexual assault. Iowa state law says someone who is cognitively impaired due to alcohol or drugs is unable to give consent for sexual activity.
Function:
To minimize the importance of communication and negotiation in a relationship
To perpetuate the sex role stereotype of women as the sexual gate-keeper and men as aggressors for sex, which places responsibility on the woman
To excuse the offender for his/her abusive actions
For some men, to justify their own behavior
To make it seem “confusing” or a gray area if alcohol or drugs is involved
Legal Process
Myth: Many people “cry rape” to seek revenge on a lover or to protect their reputation.
Reality: False reporting is rare. A 2000 study by the Office of Victims of Crime found that 2-3% of all sexual assaults reported to law enforcement turn out to be false, the same rate as other types of violent crime. It is unlikely that a false report would get as far as criminal trial. Even a person who recants may not have lied about being raped, but perhaps they are dealing with some aspect they find particularly embarrassing or humiliating.
Myth: It’s easy for a person to “cry” or charge rape, and hard to defend against it.
Reality: Rape is highly unreported, for many reasons. The reporting process itself can be long and emotionally difficult for a victim/survivor. Often times, the victim/survivor has more to lose than to gain by reporting sexual assault. The victim/survivor may experience a second victimization by the criminal justice system, and by the community. A typical defense used is that the sex was consensual, which then brings her word against his. If a jury believes rape myths, it can be difficult to find the perpetrator guilty.
Myth: “Real” sexual assault victims/survivors report the crime immediately to the police. If they do not report it, or delay in reporting it, it wasn’t really rape.
Reality: There are many reasons why a sexual assault victim/survivor may not report the assault to the police. It is not easy to talk about being sexually assaulted. Reasons for not reporting include the following: reliving the trauma, retaliation by the offender, not being believed, being blamed for the assault, media coverage, the responses of family and friends, or being revictimized as the case goes through the criminal justice system. The victim/survivor may also want to forget what happened, may not recognize what happened was sexual assault, or may be in shock. A victim/survivor is less likely to report a sexual assault by a friend or relative.
Function:
To ignore that “normal men” in our community are rapists
To deny that rape really happens
To excuse the offender for his abusive actions
To protect friends, heroes and buddies
Male Victims
Myth: Men cannot be raped.
Reality: Men can be overpowered, forced or tricked into sexual behavior just like anyone else. Approximately 10% of reported rape victims/survivors are male. Rape can happen regardless of gender, age, race, ability, sexual orientation, and social status. Though some people (women and children, for example) are at greater risk, anyone can be sexually assaulted, especially if they are a member of a group marginalized by society, such as gay men or men of color.
Myth: Men who assault other men and boys are expressing their sexual preference.
Reality: Most sexual offenders are heterosexual, regardless of their choice of victims. Victims/survivors are chosen according to perceived availability, accessibility, and vulnerability. Assaulting another man may increase the feeling of power an offender has. Rape is often a tool used for humiliation, to establish dominance and to determine “who serves whom.” Ignoring that men can be raped further isolates male victims/survivors.
Function:
For heterosexual men to feel invulnerable and safe from sexual assault
To support the “crime of passion” myth, and ignore that rape is motivated by power, control and domination
For men to ignore the social problem of rape and think of it as a “woman’s issue”
(Compiled by Sarah Anthoney, Rape Victim Advocacy Program and adapted from Recovering from Rape, I Never Called It Rape, the ACCESS Training Manual, the Women Helping Women Training Manual, and other sources)
